August292012


COLDPLAY LYRICS


"Lost+"(feat. Jay-Z) Just because I’m losing Doesn’t mean I’m lost Doesn’t mean I’ll stop Doesn’t mean I’m across Just because I’m hurting Doesn’t mean I’m hurt Doesn’t mean I didn’t get what I deserved No better and no worse I just got lost! Every river that I tried to cross Every door I ever tried was locked Oh and I’m just waiting til the shine wears off You might be a big fish In a little pond Doesn’t mean you’ve won ‘Cause along may come A bigger one And you’ll be lost! Every river that you tried to cross Every gun you ever held went off Oh and I’m just waiting til the firing’s stopped Oh and I’m just waiting til the shine wears off[Jay-Z] Yeah …just waitin’ til the… the… yeah Aha, I gotcha, uh… With the same sword they knight you, they gon’ good night you with Shit, that’s only half if they like you That ain’t even the half what they might do Don’t believe me, ask Michael See Martin, see Malcolm See Biggie, see Pac, see success and its outcome See Jesus, see Judas See Caesar, see Brutus, see success is like suicide Suicide, it’s a suicide If you succeed, prepare to be crucified Media meddles, niggas sue you, you settle Every step you take, they remind you you’re ghetto So it’s tough being Bobby Brown To be Bobby then, you have to be Bobby now And the question is, “Is to have had and lost Better than not having at all?” Because I’m…[Chris] Oh and I’m just waiting til the shine wears off Oh and I’m just waiting til the shine wears off

COLDPLAY LYRICS

"Lost+"
(feat. Jay-Z)

Just because I’m losing
Doesn’t mean I’m lost
Doesn’t mean I’ll stop
Doesn’t mean I’m across

Just because I’m hurting
Doesn’t mean I’m hurt
Doesn’t mean I didn’t get what I deserved
No better and no worse

I just got lost!
Every river that I tried to cross
Every door I ever tried was locked
Oh and I’m just waiting til the shine wears off

You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn’t mean you’ve won
‘Cause along may come
A bigger one

And you’ll be lost!
Every river that you tried to cross
Every gun you ever held went off
Oh and I’m just waiting til the firing’s stopped
Oh and I’m just waiting til the shine wears off

[Jay-Z]
Yeah
…just waitin’ til the… the… yeah
Aha, I gotcha, uh…
With the same sword they knight you, they gon’ good night you with
Shit, that’s only half if they like you
That ain’t even the half what they might do
Don’t believe me, ask Michael
See Martin, see Malcolm
See Biggie, see Pac, see success and its outcome
See Jesus, see Judas
See Caesar, see Brutus, see success is like suicide
Suicide, it’s a suicide
If you succeed, prepare to be crucified
Media meddles, niggas sue you, you settle
Every step you take, they remind you you’re ghetto
So it’s tough being Bobby Brown
To be Bobby then, you have to be Bobby now
And the question is, “Is to have had and lost
Better than not having at all?”
Because I’m…

[Chris]
Oh and I’m just waiting til the shine wears off
Oh and I’m just waiting til the shine wears off

1PM

Lets give this a try..

50 DAY BINGE FREE CHALLENGE

Day 1: Why are you doing the 50 day binge free challenge?

Day 2: Post a recent picture of yourself! Don’t body-shame, name two things you like about yourself in this picture.

Day 3: What do you define as a binge?

Day 4: A picture of one snack you had today that you felt was a good portion size.

Day 5: What do you usually binge on? Do you have certain trigger foods?

Day 6: Do you have any fear foods? If so, post a picture of them here. Yep, have the picture on your blog, and try to stop being scared of these foods.

Day 7: Are there specific times of day that you have trouble avoiding a binge? How are you working around that now? (Congrats on making it one week!!)

Day 8: A picture of something that makes you smile.

Day 9: What inspires you?

Day 10: A picture of a time in your life you remembering being really happy. How much does binging affect your mood?

Day 11: What is the hardest thing you’ve had to do? It can be fitness, social, mental, etc.

Day 12: Why do you think you binge? Be honest with yourself.

Day 13: What are you doing to make sure you’re drinking enough water? (This is key!)

Day 14: Do you think your binging is emotional?

Day 15: You’ve lasted OVER TWO WEEKS! How does that feel?

Day 16: Picture of a non-food reward that you enjoy.

Day 17: What have you done so far to keep yourself going?

Day 18: Do a cartwheel, (OR anything else cool you can do physically) and add a photo of it!

Day 19: What is your favorite way to work out?

Day 20: Picture after an intense workout! (Doesn’t have to be from today, but it should be!)

Day 21: Post your intake today. Are you happy with it?

Day 22: Give us a picture of your favorite breakfast!

Day 23: What is your favorite HEALTHY food?

Day 24: Talk about something you did for YOU today – emotionally, physically, etc. 

Day 25: CONGRATS! You’re HALF WAY THROUGH! How are you feeling?

Day 26: What has been the hardest part about this so far?

Day 27: Does anyone know about your issues with binging?

Day 28: Picture (if you’re comfortable) of something you’re insecure of, and 5 REASONS why you shouldn’t be insecure.

Day 29: What is the best compliment you have received/can remember?

Day 30: ONE MONTH IN! WAY TO GO! Think you can make it 20 more days? List 3 reasons you want to keep going.

Day 31: Who in your life makes you really happy?

Day 32: Do you strength train/lift weights at all? (YOU SHOULD!)

Day 33: Detailed account of a binge you remember having. Try analyzing your feelings before and after it happened.

Day 34: A picture of some item of clothing you want to buy for yourself.

Day 35: When did your binging start? Why do you think it started?

Day 36: A picture of a time in your life that you didn’t feel good about your body. List two things that you like about this picture now.

Day 37: Do you think it’s possible to be 100% happy with your body? Why or why not?

Day 38: What calms you down when you’re stressed out?

Day 39: A picture of your favorite book.

Day 40: TEN MORE DAYS LEFT! Name an accomplishment in your life that you’re really proud of.

Day 41: Favorite actress or singer and why? Do you look up to this person?

Day 42: A picture of what your pantry/dorm room looks like after 42 days of no binging! Are there foods you’ve been able to keep around that you couldn’t before?

Day 43: List five things that you love about yourself.

Day 44: Do you see yourself as a happy person? Do you think others see you as a happy person?

Day 45: What’s your biggest fear? How can you overcome it?

Day 46: When did you make your tumblr? How has it changed since you first started it?

Day 47: A picture of something you ate today that would have once made you feel guilty, but today you have NO GUILT.

Day 48: The challenge is almost over! List 5 things you’re looking forward to coming up.

Day 49 - Hey, remember that picture you took at the beginning on day 2? Post another one in the exact same pose. Notice any differences? What was your mindset on day 2 vs. today?

Day 50: CONGRATS! You’re amazing :) What are your goals now? Go after them!

12PM
I am grateful for my relationship with my brother
I am grateful for the recent effort my mom has made in our relationship
I am grateful for my moms sobriety
I am grateful for Denise, she takes care of my Dad 
I am grateful to have a new car
I am grateful to have a job that I enjoy going to
I am grateful to work with people that are caring and generous
I am grateful for the big book, and all the wisdom it provides
I am grateful for my sponsor
I am grateful for forgiveness my high power provides
more to come..

I am grateful for my relationship with my brother

I am grateful for the recent effort my mom has made in our relationship

I am grateful for my moms sobriety

I am grateful for Denise, she takes care of my Dad

I am grateful to have a new car

I am grateful to have a job that I enjoy going to

I am grateful to work with people that are caring and generous

I am grateful for the big book, and all the wisdom it provides

I am grateful for my sponsor

I am grateful for forgiveness my high power provides

more to come..

11AM

Today I am thankful for…

I made my morning call to my sponsor and my assignment for the day was to make a gratitude list. The first thing I needed to do was define gratitude.

By Definition: the quality or feeling of being grateful or thankful:Gratitude, thankfulness, gratefulness, or appreciation is a feeling, from the heart or attitude in acknowledgment of a benefit that one has received or will receive

The words that caught me in this definition were “from the heart”. Its easy for me to sit back and say I’m thankful for family,friends and health. This program is about honesty and and developing a connection to our emotions, fears, and feelings. So I have decided to put heart into this list.

11AM

Wednesday August 29

Thought for the Day

"We cannot get along without prayer and meditation. On awakening, let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking. Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when we start the day with prayer and meditation. We conclude this period of meditation with a prayer that we will be shown through the day what our next step is to be. The basis of all our prayers is: Thy will be done in me and through me today." Am I sincere in my desire to do God’s will today?

Meditation for the Day

Breathe in the inspiration of goodness and truth. It is the spirit of honesty, purity, unselfishness, and love. It is readily available if we are willing to accept it wholeheartedly. God has given us two things - His spirit and the power of choice - to accept or not, as we will. We have the gift of free will. When we choose the path of selfishness and greed and pride, we are refusing to accept God’s spirit. When we choose the path of love and service, we accept God’s spirit and it flows into us and makes all things new.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may choose the right way. I pray that I may try to follow it to the end.

August282012

Thought for the day

 Thought for the Day

"We must continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. We should grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter; it should continue for our lifetime. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. We must not rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve, contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition." Am I checking my spiritual condition daily?

Meditation for the Day

Happiness cannot be sought directly; it is a by-product of love and service. Service is a law of our being. With love in your heart, there is always some service to other people. A life of power and joy and satisfaction is built on love and service. Persons who hate or are selfish are going against the law of their own being. They are cutting themselves off from God and other people. Little acts of love and encouragement, of service and help, erase the rough places of life and help to make the path smooth. If we do these things, we cannot help having our share of happiness.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may give my share of love and service. I pray that I may not grow weary in my attempts to do the right thing.

From Twenty-Four Hours a Day  by Hazelden Foundation

1PM
It’s hard to really say today is day one. If I think back over the years I cannot count the number of times that I have written “day 1” How many times I have boldly declared with confidence that “today” will be the end of binging, self-abuse, compulsive eating behaviors, unhealthy food choices..ect the list goes on. And inevitably, I fail. I turn the page in my journal, and start fresh once again. 
 Not to sound cliché but by definition insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results. It only makes sense that at this point in my life, I need to come to terms with reality and break this insane behavior. Something has to change.  I need help. 
About 2 weeks ago I mustered up the guts to attend a local OA meeting. I had been to a couple in the past. But I was still under the illusion that I could beat this on my own. My inner child was telling me take the easy way out. “Try the next big diet cure, pop some miracle pills, work out more, hire a trainer, blah blah blah”All of which never delivered. 
I walked into a small church class room, where I found 3 rows older women arranged facing the front the room, where one woman read the rules aloud. I had been to AA meetings before with my mom, so I was somewhat familiar with the procedures. We read a small excerpt from the big book. After that all members with 90 days of abstinence stood up and shared there interpretation of the reading. 
As they stood up, I couldn’t help but study their appearances. I pictured all of them binging the way I do. Almost as if envisioning a imprisoned murderer committing the crime. I pictured them circling the grocery and carefully filling their carts with sugarcoated, pre packaged containers of happiness but being careful to layer some “healthy” food on top for fear of what on-lookers may think. I pictured them loading certain bags of food into the front seats of their cars for easy access. I pictured them sitting in supermarket parking lots, devouring bag after bag of food. I imagined how they brush of the crumbs from their shirts, tuck the empty bags neatly back into the grocery bags as they head through the drive through. After all they had only just consumed snacks, now they needed some “real” food. 
Most of the people seemed like ordinary everyday people. One woman stood up to speak, and as she spoke, I felt like she was telling my story. We talked about surrender, and turning over our control to a higher power. We talked about the 12 steps. I felt like I had the information but where to start? I approached one woman after the meeting and asked her to be my sponsor. 
I called her later that night and she gave me the “rules”. Everyone has a slightly different way of doing things and a everyone has a food plan that works for them. She gave me an almost militaristic run down of how she runs her sponsorship.  For the record, this is not what I had imagined. I imagined calling a sweet incredibly nurturing motherly type that was going to hold my hand through the process. Not the case and although she is definatley supportive she explained that I need to want it for myself. She can’t make me follow the program, she can cure me of this disorder. But she can point me in the right direction and offer her insight.I have made the decision to surrender my will to my high power, and my life to the program.
So here I am. I am starting this and one of the concepts that are strongly emphasized is the idea of ” one day at a time”. So this time around rather than marking my calendar and setting my goals 1, 2, 6 months out I am focusing on just today, everyday. 
Goal for today: 
Call Sponsor at 6:15 am 
Make 3 outreach calls 
Attend Meeting 
Stick to food plan 
Journal 
Read from the Big Book

It’s hard to really say today is day one. If I think back over the years I cannot count the number of times that I have written “day 1” How many times I have boldly declared with confidence that “today” will be the end of binging, self-abuse, compulsive eating behaviors, unhealthy food choices..ect the list goes on. And inevitably, I fail. I turn the page in my journal, and start fresh once again.

 Not to sound cliché but by definition insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results. It only makes sense that at this point in my life, I need to come to terms with reality and break this insane behavior. Something has to change.  I need help.

About 2 weeks ago I mustered up the guts to attend a local OA meeting. I had been to a couple in the past. But I was still under the illusion that I could beat this on my own. My inner child was telling me take the easy way out. “Try the next big diet cure, pop some miracle pills, work out more, hire a trainer, blah blah blah”All of which never delivered.

I walked into a small church class room, where I found 3 rows older women arranged facing the front the room, where one woman read the rules aloud. I had been to AA meetings before with my mom, so I was somewhat familiar with the procedures. We read a small excerpt from the big book. After that all members with 90 days of abstinence stood up and shared there interpretation of the reading.

As they stood up, I couldn’t help but study their appearances. I pictured all of them binging the way I do. Almost as if envisioning a imprisoned murderer committing the crime. I pictured them circling the grocery and carefully filling their carts with sugarcoated, pre packaged containers of happiness but being careful to layer some “healthy” food on top for fear of what on-lookers may think. I pictured them loading certain bags of food into the front seats of their cars for easy access. I pictured them sitting in supermarket parking lots, devouring bag after bag of food. I imagined how they brush of the crumbs from their shirts, tuck the empty bags neatly back into the grocery bags as they head through the drive through. After all they had only just consumed snacks, now they needed some “real” food.

Most of the people seemed like ordinary everyday people. One woman stood up to speak, and as she spoke, I felt like she was telling my story. We talked about surrender, and turning over our control to a higher power. We talked about the 12 steps. I felt like I had the information but where to start? I approached one woman after the meeting and asked her to be my sponsor.


I called her later that night and she gave me the “rules”. Everyone has a slightly different way of doing things and a everyone has a food plan that works for them. She gave me an almost militaristic run down of how she runs her sponsorship.  For the record, this is not what I had imagined. I imagined calling a sweet incredibly nurturing motherly type that was going to hold my hand through the process. Not the case and although she is definatley supportive she explained that I need to want it for myself. She can’t make me follow the program, she can cure me of this disorder. But she can point me in the right direction and offer her insight.I have made the decision to surrender my will to my high power, and my life to the program.

So here I am. I am starting this and one of the concepts that are strongly emphasized is the idea of ” one day at a time”. So this time around rather than marking my calendar and setting my goals 1, 2, 6 months out I am focusing on just today, everyday.

Goal for today:

Call Sponsor at 6:15 am

Make 3 outreach calls

Attend Meeting

Stick to food plan

Journal

Read from the Big Book


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